Talk Dirty To Me
by nidaba
Summary: A crack Neji fic that resulted from a comment that Sintari made about needing more fics that featured Neji talking dirty. So here is a Neji x ? fic with Hinata, Kib, and Shino listening in.


"See the petals only open up when-"

"Hey someone's like groaning or something over there." Kiba interrupted her and took off towards the far side of the garden. "No really, I swear I heard something this time!" He called over his shoulder when they made no move to follow.

Hinata stifled a sigh and trailed after him. She had invited her teammates over to see a new flower she had planted that only blossomed at night. She was beginning to wish that she had only invited Shino though. Trying to hold Kiba's attention seemed to be an impossible task.

"Kiba, stop being rude," Shino admonished him crossly. "If you don't," a sound caused him to pause and he looked at Hinata.

"Was that…?" Hinata bit her lip.

"A moan?" Shino finished for her. They looked at each other in confusion.

"Ha! I told you I heard something! Don't doubt my ears! They're nearly as good as my sense of smell and-"

"Oh God, yes!"

This time the nature of the sound was undeniable.

"Oh my." Shino's voice seemed to reverberate in the sudden silence.

"So, uh, who's room is that Hinata?" Shino glared at him, but it wasn't enough to wipe the cheeky grin off his face. He scratched his ear and winked at her. "If I'd known you'd had this planned, well let's just say I would have been more enthusiastic."

"I-I'm not sure." She frowned as she went over the layout of the Hyuuga estate in her head. "I'm pretty sure that Neji's room is around here but-"

"God damn you're sexy. Have I told you that lately? Either way with a body like that you must know it's true."

"Oh shit that is Neji!" Kiba exclaimed! Hinata threw a hand over his mouth to keep him from saying anything else. Shino just pushed his glasses up a little farther. Both of them looked over at Hinata.

"What?" she hissed finally. "How was I supposed to know this was going to happen?"

"You want me to go a little lower now? Is that it?" Neji drawled from above them. "I like the way your skin jumps when I brush my fingertips against you."

Hinata felt like she was trapped in some bizarre dream. The whole situation just seemed too strange for words.

"Who is he is with?" Kiba asked a little too loudly. Hinata and Shino both poked him at once.

"Shh! I have no idea." She whispered back. Hinata was a little miffed at the fact actually. She and Neji had become much closer over the past few years and she would have thought that Neji would have told her if he was seeing anybody.

"Well? Aren't you curious?" Kiba's question caused both of their eyes to swivel to him. "Seriously, I haven't seen Neji even look at a girl. Naruto and I were actually guessing he was, you know, gay."

"Well we haven't actually heard a girl's voice yet." Shino pointed out.

"Oh yes," Neji groaned above them. "You're so fucking sexy when you throw your hair back like that!"

Kiba was biting his lip now to keep from laughing and pounding his fist against his thigh. Hinata just tried to pretend this wasn't happening. This was worse than a dream, it was a nightmare. If anyone had told Hinata that she would be spending her night crouched beneath her cousin's window with her teammates _listening to him have sex_ well, she was here and she still couldn't believe it!

"Hmmm, lot's of people have long hair," Shino muttered. Hinata stared at him in disbelief. "What? Don't you want to know who he's with?" He asked defensively.

"You know, you could find out." Kiba's voice made her jump.

"Find out? What are you talking about?"

"You know, Byakugen!" He scrunched his face up and glared furiously at the wall in front of them. Shino gave a small laugh and Hinata wondered idly if she looked that ridiculous when she used the ability. When Kiba didn't say anything she realized he was waiting for some kind of answer.

"I can't do that," she protested feebly. Honestly, she wanted to know who Neji was with as much as her teammates. Probably even more actually.

"I know you want it, you can't lie to me." Neji's voice broke in on her thoughts. "Why don't you just go ahead and moan? Moan for it like the slut you are."

Hinata had to suppress a shudder. Neji's voice sounded like pure sex. Liquid sex that had been bottled, aged to perfection, and was now being poured down Hinata's spine. She was certain that her cheeks were as red as the roses they crouched behind.

"It would be so easy to find out who," Kiba whispered suddenly.

"No I can't!"

"If you do it," he paused and smirked at her. "I'll forget about the entire honey incident."

She gave in.

She activated her byakugen and scanned the room. She was surprised to find nobody on the bed. She turned her attention to the other side of the room. There! She took a moment to admire Neji's muscled back. The years had been very good to the Hyuuga prodigy. She forced her eyes away from his body and concentrated on his partner and felt her mouth drop open with shock. She slapped her hand over her open mouth and fell to the ground trying to remain silent.

"Who is it?" Kiba hissed in her ear. "Uh, Hinata, are you okay?" he asked uncertainly. It looked like she had started crying.

Hinata entire body was shaking with the laughter she was trying to restrain. She nodded and motioned for her teammates to follow her as she left the area. When they reached a clearing far enough away from the Hyuuga compound she dropped onto the ground and laughed harder than she had in her entire life. Even when she felt her muscles screaming in protest she was unable to stop the breathless laughter.

"C'mon Hinata! Who was it? What could be so funny?" Kiba paused a moment and exchanged a look of fear and disgust with Shino. "It's not like Gai or someone right?"

"Eww, no!" Hinata managed when she caught her breath. It was," she laughed again at the memory. "It was nobody."

"What?" They both asked in confusion.

"He was looking into the mirror guys!"

Hinata had to skip training the next day due to severe stomach cramping. Neji decided she had gotten a hold of some sake and left her a note about the dangers of alcohol. Hinata saw no reason to correct him.


End file.
